Monday, June 24, 2013
Pardon My Absence, I was Having a Quarter + Life Crisis
It's been a few months since I have even looked at my blog. I know terrible. The same blog I would spend hours looking up info and making lists on cool ideas or topics I could post on. But somehow that list got pushed to the bottom of my life pile.
Yet I am surprised to see that, despite my major post lacking skills, people are still reading my blog. I am still getting hits. For that I am grateful beyond words. Seriously.
I already made a post about me being a terrible blogger a few months back so no need for another one. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. It's more of just being lazy and not having anything interesting or noteworthy to share. Maybe there is nothing that has been really inspiring me as of late. Maybe by the time I can even muster up the energy to turn on my laptop I end up being sucked into facebook. Sucked into the nonsense posts that really don't pertain to me, or the countless photos of friends' children that I have never met, decked out in floaties at the swimming pool. Or the selfie instagram photos (how many can one person take of themselves??) And now since they launched the video option I have been even more distracted.
My wardrobe has mainly consisted of Miami Heat t-shirts and jeans, and I decided to chop my hair off, which led to me reminiscing about all of my bad decision makings through out my life. They have been quite a lot, but at least it hasn't been boring is all I can say. Then the worst thing ever, which I find many young women approaching the age of 30 or in their early 30's do, is compare themselves to other women their age. Maybe you start taking life inventory of what you have and what you don't have, and most importantly what you should have. I find we start concentrating on what we didn't do, where at this age we thought we would be. What we should have done. Maybe some of us are exactly where we planned or thought we would be in our life.
But there are many of us (like myself) who start looking at family members, old high school classmates, friends, and comparing our lives to theirs. How they seem so happy and are doing cool things. Next thing you know its 2:30am and we're on facebook looking at your acquaintances honeymoon photos from Bali, while you debate on whether or not you should open up that second bottle of wine. We start looking at our lives and become our own worst critic. "Well if I hadn't spend so much time drinking 40's on the beach I would have had a least a degree... " or "Maybe I should have accepted Eddie's proposal, I mean he wasn't that bad, and he had that steady job at his father's business.."
It's so easy to look in the past. It's so easy to become trapped in this web of self loathing and just don't have the energy to try and break free, or we don't want to. I won't post a meme of palm tree with some positive quote about not looking back or some shit. I know what I need to do. I know that everything does happen for some reason or another. Unless they invent time machines I also know that there is NOTHING I can do to change the past. I just have to grab the reins and ride.
Ok I am rambling...